.png)
Caring for Yourself to Care for Your Child: The Importance of Parental Self-Care
- Aliesha Embleton
- 5 days ago
- 6 min read
Let’s be honest, parenting children aged 6 to 12 can feel like running a marathon with snack stops, emotional detours, and a soundtrack of “Mum, where’s my...?” or “Dad, watch this!” on repeat. It’s a stage filled with growth, change, and increasing independence, but also one that demands a lot from parents, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
In this window of development, your child is forming a stronger sense of self, navigating friendships, and learning to cope with complex emotions and responsibilities. They’re no longer toddlers or little kids, but not yet teens, this is a stage I refer to as “the forgotten years.” But just because they’re no longer in nappies doesn’t mean your work is done. In fact, this is the stage when your parenting becomes even more foundational.
So how do you show up with calm, clarity, and consistency in these middle years?
The answer: you care for yourself, too.
The Oxygen Mask Principle Is Real
You’ve heard it before, but it bears repeating: you can’t pour from an empty cup. And this isn’t just a fluffy quote, this is brain science. When your nervous system is dysregulated (hello, chronic stress and emotional overload), your ability to co-regulate with your child plummets. That means the more depleted and overwhelmed you feel, the harder it becomes to model and teach the very coping strategies your child needs to learn.
The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University reminds us that responsive relationships are one of the key protective factors for child development, and those require emotional availability from caregivers.
In other words: if you want to raise a calm, resilient child, you need to protect your own calm and resilience first.
Why the Middle Years Matter (For Both of You)
Children aged 6–12 are in what psychologists call a “critical integration period.” They’re applying the foundational skills they learned in early childhood to real-world situations: friendships, schoolwork, extracurriculars, social comparisons, and yes, screens too. They’re also noticing how you handle life’s curveballs, frustrations, and stress.
That’s why self-care for parents isn’t just bubble baths and occasional alone time (although both are valid!). It’s about:
Emotional regulation
Setting boundaries
Modelling positive coping
Maintaining healthy routines
Showing your child that their parent is a human being with needs, too
Because when your child sees that you value your wellbeing, they learn to value their own.
What Counts as Parental Self-Care?
Self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all. And it’s certainly not reserved for people with heaps of spare time (who are these people, anyway?). For parents in the thick of school drop-offs/pick-ups, sport practice, and lunchbox drama, it has to be intentional and realistic.
Here are a few examples of what effective self-care can look like in the middle years:
Micro-moments of mindfulness: Taking 60 seconds to breathe deeply in the car before school pick-up.
Saying “no” to one more obligation: Protecting your family time and your sanity.
Asking for help: Whether it’s from your partner, a friend, or a professional, it’s not weakness, it’s wisdom.
Getting outside: Movement + sunlight + nature = mood magic.
Scheduling guilt-free time alone: Yes, you’re allowed. No, it doesn’t make you selfish.
Processing your own emotions: Journaling, counselling, or simply acknowledging how you feel is a form of emotional hygiene.
These small acts don’t just fill your cup, they model to your child how to manage stress and preserve energy in a sustainable way.
What the Research Tells Us
Insights and research by Raising Children Network highlight that parents of children in the 6–12 age group often underestimate the emotional intensity of this stage. While primary school may seem less demanding than the baby or toddler years, this period requires just as much attention, especially when it comes to emotional connection and behavioural guidance.
A meta-analysis published in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology shows that higher parental stress levels correlate with increased behavioural issues in children aged 6–12. [Source: Barroso NE, Mendez L, Graziano PA, Bagner DM, 2018]. Conversely, when parents feel supported and manage their own stress well, children show higher emotional resilience and social competence.
Translation? If you’re emotionally frayed, your child will feel it. But if you’re grounded and calm, you help anchor them.
Self-Care Isn’t Selfish, It’s Strategic
Let’s bust a myth while we’re here: self-care is not about self-indulgence. It’s about resilience-building. And that matters more than ever when you’re shaping the identity, habits, and worldview of a young person.
This is also where many parents get stuck. You might think: “but my child needs me every moment, I don’t have time to prioritise myself”.
Here’s the thing: Your child does need you. But they need the best version of you.
And being your best self doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being present, regulated, and responsive, none of which is possible when you’re running on empty.
How to Start Prioritising Self-Care (Without Overhauling Your Life)
You don’t need a retreat in Bali to begin reclaiming your wellbeing. Start small. Build it in. Layer it into your existing routine.
Here are a few low-effort, high-impact tips:
Name your non-negotiables: What are 2–3 small things you know make a difference to your energy or mood? Drinking water? A 15-minute walk? A phone call with a friend? Lock those in.
Create transitions: Use natural pauses in your day (before school pick-up, moving between meeting rooms at work, after dinner) as mini check-ins with yourself. Even one intentional breath can help reset your nervous system.
Drop the guilt: Your wellbeing isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. The best way to show up for your child is to first show up for yourself.
Involve your child: Self-care doesn’t always mean solo time. Do yoga together. Read your own books or journal to reflect on your day side by side. Get matching water bottles which help you track your intake and check in with each other on progress.
Ask for your village: Parenting wasn’t meant to be done in isolation. Tap into your support network – friends, family, professionals. You don’t have to do it all alone.
Self-Care in Action: A Personal Example
In my work as a child development specialist, I meet countless parents who come to me concerned about their child’s resilience or emotional regulation. And often, our first focus isn’t on the child, it’s on the parent’s capacity to guide, support, and regulate themselves through the process.
When parents begin caring for themselves – whether that’s having better boundaries, getting support, or learning how to respond calmly to stress – it creates a ripple effect that touches every part of their child’s life. Behaviour improves. Communication deepens. And suddenly, the home feels more like a team than a battleground.
It’s not magic. It’s the power of self-awareness, consistency, and self-compassion.
Final Thoughts: You Matter Too
Your child’s mental health, learning, and resilience are deeply influenced by your wellbeing. That’s not pressure, it’s power. And its permission to finally put yourself back on the priority list.
Self-care doesn’t need to be elaborate. It just needs to be intentional.
So, if you're looking for the first step?
Start by answering this question: What’s one small thing you can do today that helps you feel more like you?
Start there. And watch how everything else begins to shift, too.
For more practical tools, real-life examples, and gentle guidance to support both your child’s development and your own wellbeing, grab a copy of my book From Seed to Sapling, your trusted companion in growing a resilient family, one small step at a time.
#ChildDevelopment #ParentingTips #FutureLeaders #PlayfulLearning #EmotionalWellbeing #SocialSkills #ParentingJourney #MindfulParenting #EducationForLife #HealthyHabitsForKids #BuildingResilience #AuthenticKids #EntrepreneurialSpirit #CuriousMinds #PositiveParenting #DevelopmentalMilestones #EmpowerKids #Parenting101 #Resilience #Authenticity #CreativeKids #ResilientKids #RaiseResilientKids #TransformativeParenting #AuthenticParenting #RaiseConfidentKids #RoleModeling #ItTakesAVillage #PositiveSelfTalk #SelfTalk #SelfEsteem #HolisticParenting #ResilientChildren #HolisticChildDevelopment #ChildhoodSuccess #FamilyWellbeing #ParentingSupport #EmpoweredParenting #CopingSkillsForKids #CopingSkills #FearOfFailure #GrowthMindset #FixedMindset #EmotionalResilience #ChildMentalHealth #HealthyCoping #ResilienceBuilding #MindfulnessForKids #MentalHealthMatters #ChildhoodStressRelief #CalmingTechniques #SelfSoothing #CreativeCoping #ChildWellbeing #EmotionalGrowth #EmotionalRegulation #EmotionalIntelligence #RaisingResilientKids #CommunityMatters #FamilyFirst #MeaningfulMoments #FamilyBonding #ConnectionOverPerfection #ResilientParenting #GrowthJourney #RaisingKindKids #FamilyTraditions #EmpathyMatters #StressInChildren #ParentingTools #ProactiveParenting #MiddleYearsParenting #ChildDevelopmentMatters #EmotionalAwareness #ParentingWisely #ParentingWithHeart #ParentsSupportingParents #CommunityParenting #KidsAndStress #MiddleYearsSupport #LetThemGrow #ResilienceInRealLife #ParentingShift #GrowthMoments #EmpoweringKids #StrengthInStruggle #ChildDevelopmentCoach #GrowingUpStrong #ToxicStressAwareness #SupportNotShield #HealthyStress #ResilientMinds #ParentingScripts #GentleSupport #StressResponse #BuildingEmotionalStrength #RaisingStrongKids #EmotionalHealth #ChildhoodMatters #ParentingSuccess
